|Conversation: Damien Hall and August Lowell|
Conversation: Damien Hall and August Lowell
Jul. 16th, 2007 @ 04:59 pm
I realize that hiding behind my arm is horribly childish and melodramatic, so I inhale sharply a few more times, before kneeling to meet him on the floor. "I don't hate you. Not in the least, August, I can't even find it in myself to blame you anymore."
Try as I might, my voice cracks pathetically on the last part- "But, atleast from this side of things, it seems pretty obvious to me what you must
I bury my face into his shoulder. "My father left my mother to avoid disgrace. I hated him all my life. Even after my mother died, and I was living among his family, I refused to see him. He left me almost everything when he died, but still, after all this time I'm still not convinced that I don't hate him now."
I sigh. "That kind of guilt is more than anything I'd ever want you to bear, August. " Another sharp inhale. "It will be better this way." I say, forcing myself to believe it.
The foreboding in me knows we simply can't belong to each other ever again, but for the moment, I delude myself. "I'll write as much as I can. "
The melancholic humor in the situation suddenly strikes me. " It seems we are destined to be at odds. I just admitted that I love you and now I have to give you up. Back when we were bickering endlessly, I, too scared to act on my feelings, unsure if you were of my sort, and you, flirting endlessly with everyone but me.. it almost seems as if we had endless time then, and none now."
I can't help the pang of jealously that strikes at Julian's name, but I nod. "I don't mind at all. As long as you write, I'll reply."
There's something so stony and hard in his face and red rimmed eyes at the prospect of a child. More irony, and I can't help wondering if my father felt the same way. It's apparent that however much August loves me, at this moment he needs me to leave, and I need to leave him.
I slowly rise to my feet and shakily acknowledge his forced levity. "That might have been for the best, after all. I'll.. I'll be back tonight."
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